A few months ago, a family member told me, “I saw one of your makeup videos and it was cool seeing you slowly turn into yourself.” At first I didn’t know how to take it - does that mean I’m not “me” to this person without makeup? I decided to see it as my love for makeup and decades of practice shining through to enhance my favorite features, which makes me feel confident, which highlights the true beauty I have to offer the world.
I feel like we go though the world one way, then someone comes along and calls us fat face, snake eyes, or tells us we have an ugly, bumpy nose (yes, I’ve had all that and much more). It’s one thing when it’s mean middle-schoolers, but it’s another when it’s people who are supposed to love you unconditionally. And it really messes with your head.
So I want to know…when was the first time you felt ugly?
It started for me at age nine when, coming back into dance class after an injury, my teacher told everyone to look at me, see how fat I was, and that you shouldn’t look like that. As I went through my awkward phase, the hits kept on coming, and peaked in high school when I had glasses and braces.
And then, I found makeup.
And it wasn’t about hiding anything - to this day, I don’t like “seeing” my makeup and strive to make it look as smooth and blended as possible - it was about enhancing. I learned that if you don’t love your nose, you can draw the focus up to your eyes. Or learn to contour.
As I continued down the path of makeup artistry, was professionally trained and began painting scores of faces, the power of makeup became evident. From little flower girls getting a dollop of lip gloss and tap of blush, to the grandmother who sees herself in eyeliner for the first time, I’m still moved by the moment when a client sees themselves in a new light and falls in love with their faces.
Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder; and, as I’m coming up on my birthday, it continues to take on new meanings.
The video below from Wayne Goss expertly touches on this at the 8:00 minute mark (but the curling technique is sensational, so watch that, too!). While it is hard to see my face succumbing to gravity, I’m lucky to be here. I certainly don’t look at those I love and think they’re unattractive as they age, in fact it’s the opposite. The people who make up my life just become more beautiful with age.
And that includes you. We all have days where things just aren’t clicking, and that’s fine. If you have a pretty heart, it will shine out of your face. There’s something called the Duchenne Smile that’s known as one of the most pure expressions of joy, and scientists can tell because it moves up to your eyes.
So, one could gather that true, authentic happiness causes crows feet! Let that sink in for a moment.
This year has been extraordinarily difficult. Some might say it’s been even harder than 2020 because of all the disappointments and unmet expectations. As I’ve expressed on my Instagram stories, I’ve not been okay. I’ve had to take some time away to process this year, as I know many of you have as well. I’ve learned that it’s okay to be simultaneously happy and gutted.
As much as I’d love to be one of those “good vibes only” folks, I know that mindset is actually harmful because it doesn’t allow for reality - which brings growth. It’s like a fake smile; you won’t get the crow’s feet, but the joy only reaches so far.
I don’t know who told you you weren’t pretty, but you are. More than that, you’re here, you’re alive, so let’s show up and make our lives worth something more.
UPDATE: the next video Wayne posted after the one below was about his new eye shadow palette, and one of his models was Mel Thompson. She was one of five YouTubers I consistently follow, and she pased away last weekend. His message at the end of this video, then, holds even more meaning.
Appreciate you, mean it. JY